Striving to be Unremarkable

A Manifesto

This Substack was created to be a place where people could feel less alone, and more understood. I’m not here to write “relatable content”. I’m here to write what’s real for me and trust that it will either resonate, or it won’t. With this said, the theme of this manifesto is of us showing up for ourselves and our lives in our most basic form.

Put the laundry on this morning? WIN. You are a hero of living unremarkably.

I’m here to celebrate the small acts, the oft-overlooked things that we do each day in service of a more enjoyable life for ourselves and others. What if it could be as simple as dialling it right back down to the fundamentals? What if we don’t have to excel to be a remarkable human being?

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My goal for this year is to be totally unremarkable.

Am I giving up on my dreams? No. Does this mean I will spend 70% of the next calendar year slumped into my triple chins as I absorb mind-numbingly good television and eat toast? Well, not 70% of the time…

What this goal really means is that I am taking my foot off the gas - the gas that has amounted to an intolerable pressure to THRIVE, ACHIEVE, and SUCCEED! When, actually, I was hardly managing to get the basics right.

So far, being unremarkable has made me a better friend. A better writer. A less miserable person to be around.

Now that I am not buried (as) deep in my belly button, searching for meaning and fretting about how I am not yet saving the world, I have the space to notice all of the ways that I now have more energy to show up for others.

My values have sharpened into focus and I’m spending more time with my family. I have the capacity to pick up the phone and call my grandma. Being unremarkable is also making me much more efficient at my job because it is the only thing I wish to achieve right now. Someone is counting on me, so I’ll be there.

“Don’t invite me to the function unless this is the vibe.”

I will not be there for the 5 million drafts sitting in a folder on my computer waiting to be edited, which is usually animated in my brain by a loud hum of the Strive to Thrive ego. I no longer accept the pressure from the part of myself who thinks that having more to do is going to somehow make me more worthy and loveable.

No, I am loveable as my very basic, unremarkable self. As long as I am kind, as long as I show up when I say I will - which are simple things that I’ve actually found difficult in the past. I’d rather focus on those things before I try to be remarkable.

I cannot make coffee for my mum in the morning if I am too busy running around building an empire - I have MADE myself far too busy and important to do those things. Those little things. Like tidying my room. Like picking up the hoover. Like reaching out to my best friend. Like making sure I’m turning up to meetings on time. Like being kind to myself.

My friend Grace recently said to me, ‘You’re trying to thrive before you are able to survive.’ This made me realise…

I have actually had small-scale-survival dreams for a very long time.

These are dreams like belonging to a tight group of friends, having functional communication with my family, not trying to change who I am all the time because I believe I am somehow broken or wrong, opening to vulnerable relationships, maintaining a regular routine.

Basic things, right? Small-scale, fundamental, but dreams nonetheless. Things I’m still working on. Those are the things I want to nurture.

There is so much pressure to thrive and “live your best life”, that we so often lose sight of the ground beneath us as we try desperately to fly beyond the mountain tops before we are ready. Moreover, the pressure instills a belief in us that we are not satisfactory as we are, in our mundane, “normal” (it’s all relative), and yet totally unique and exceptional selves.

The pressure to fly, I believe, pulls us further away from our exceptional true selves as we strive for more, better, perfection, in pursuit of adhering to the “best” way to live.

I guess that was the moral when Icarus flew too close to the sun? Was it? I don’t know, but it sounds poignant.

Life is a status game - we have long understood that humans have an inherent drive to be liked and accepted in our social groups. It is a matter of survival!

But increasingly I see people realising that we’ve lost sight of the important things, the things that living unremarkably brings us. With trends and movements like minimalism, van life, and homesteading, it is clear that swathes of people are yearning for the simple stuff (even if the very popularisation of the simple stuff makes it intrinsically, ironically, yet another idealistic pipe dream).

Fundamentally…

… We want to connect more deeply with the earth and with each other.

... We want to know how to take care of ourselves out of love, not anxiety.

… We want to enjoy our hobbies, our friends, and our partners in a slower, more intentional way.

So this is my goal - my Spring Time Resolution, if you will - after months of reclusive living and some pretty terrific life-learning.

My goal is to slow down, to live with more intent, and to stop chasing, striving, and fighting for the thrive.

I’m taking it back to basics with intentional survival, and the lack of pressure is SO freeing, I tell you!

Much much love. x

Some questions I’m asking myself:

Where are you losing yourself in a plight to thrive, strive, and achieve? Is it working?

Is there anywhere you could take your foot off the gas, and just relieve the pressure a liiiittle bit for a hot minute?

Where is your ability to live unremarkably at on a scale of 1-10? Have you got the basics of survival covered?

I will only invite you to the function if it’s this.